I clearly remember the day when one of my board members said, “I don’t know that I can continue to serve on this board if he continues to be so disruptive.” I realized I had waited too long. I had so been hoping the problem person would magically go away. I was hoping that he would see his antics weren’t playing out for the good of the organization. But no such luck. It only takes one bad apple…
You know who I’m talking about. The loud mouth Trumps of the world who derail a perfectly productive discussion. The ones who just smother the momentum you’ve started. The ones who are divisive and sometimes even paralyzing because who wants to jump into that hot mess? It’s embarrassing and baffling.
And the real kicker is – you must do something about it.
Yep, someone has to deal with the Donald. Don’t be like the Republican party and not take him seriously, or try to ignore him until it’s so late that a Trump is gaining an insurmountable lead in delegates. Don’t wait until there’s nothing left to do but craft a well-orchestrated end run and try to navigate through very tricky waters.
You may never understand what motivates this board member.
Perhaps they simply like to hear their own voice. They might have no sense of group dynamics and don’t realize the negative effect they’re having on others. They may actually be feeling vulnerable in some way and this is how they mask it. Or maybe they truly are a narcissist as we’ve seen on the national stage. And the more upset they cause, the more joy they get. It may feel as though there isn’t much you can do to effectively intervene. However, you still must take control of the situation.
Early on when you see a pattern, be brave enough to address it. The cost to your business could be “YUGE.” Not only might you lose other dedicated members, but you could get thrown off course and the whole organization could lose focus and traction. In addition, your reputation is at stake and once that goes to pot, the ramifications will be long-term and deep. Folks don’t like to play with those who can’t manage their own people. Why allow one person to cause this much disruption?
I certainly understand it’s not easy. I tried a couple things that didn’t work with my Trump-like bully. I spoke with him individually and acknowledged it seemed like he might be frustrated about something, based on the questions he was asking. He denied that and said he was fine, just very curious. I tried to politely point out that there were other avenues to express off-topic items and that trusting his colleagues was part of the deal. He stated he was very busy, traveled a lot, and needed to speak what was on his mind when he thought of it. Result – no change in behavior.
I tried to re-purpose him. I put him in charge of an important project that needed strong leadership where he could be a one-man hero. But without anyone to boss around or belittle, he soon lost interest. Result – no change in behavior.
Finally, tired of being held hostage, the board voted to oust him. Not very fun, but the result? No more Donald-like bullies and a more cohesive team. You could literally feel the calm return to the board room. Beyond the relief we all felt, there was a renewed commitment to the purpose of the organization. The silver lining was that our Trump problem helped us realize the importance of our overall goals. And no one person was bigger than the mission. We were able to ride the wave of new energy and focus for a long time.
Don’t be afraid to address the Trump in your room, or your organization could suffer permanently.
Do you have a Trump story to share below?
Two quick stories about “Founder’s Syndrome” which similarly is a form of bullying. One, a still successful 30-year old foundation continues to suffer from a founder who is directing major allocations of funds to his/her favorite programs. These actions are often not in line with board-approved initiatives. This has caused a very heavy turnover in board members over the past 10 years, many highly valuable. It also prevents a proper institutionalization for handling both fund raising and fund allocation in line with long-term objectives. This creates confusion in overall direction, distracting staff and board members and distorts the clarity needed to engage new, large donors to meet endowment goals. The board has made some, very slow progress on this issue over the past 2 years with new leadership. I once again will have a part in coaching them further through a necessary transition.
The second is a struggling foundation whose founder is simply “Peter Principled”, lacking some leadership skills and not working at learning them. The founder is unaware of how his/her actions and lack of actions to delegate authority prevent the organization from operating in a more businesslike manner which prevents progress and very likely may lead to the organization’s demise. The foundation’s coach is too personally invested in a relationship with the founder to apply some “tough love” and properly influence a more positive outcome.
Both of these are examples of the leadership not addressing the “bully” issue early and with good energy.
Yes Eric! Excellent examples and far too common. I’ve experienced a situation similar to your second example, and it can be a pretty significant blind spot. Glad to know you’re out there to help others along. Thanks for sharing!
Great blog, Cindi! So funny, real and true. While we can’t control the removal of the literal Trump plaguing this year’s election, we appreciate your tips for neutralizing the figurative ones who plague our nonprofit boards and inhibit progress. Thanks for another thought provoking blog!
Thanks Mary Kay! Indeed this blog was designed to support those of us who may not realize how this dynamic affects everyone. Glad it resonated!